Kumusta? (S.O.B.A.: State of the blogger address.)

*warning, personal article. Read only if you sincerely want to ask the author the question above*

Root-cause analysis
Sa mga pagtatagpo sa mga kaibigang matagal nang hindi nakakapiling, madalas ay unang tanong nila ang “kumusta ka na?”. Dati ang unang response ko ay “Ok lang.”, sabay expound. Ngayon, every time tanungin ako, mananahimik muna ako ng ilang sandali, sabay buntong hininga, sabay “mahaba ang sagot sa tanong mo.”. Ano na nga ba ang nangyayari ngayon?
Nang maikwento ko sa ilang mga ka-simbahan na ako’y napapadalas ang tulog, at mula 6 na oras ay naging 8 oras ang average sleeping hours ko sa isang araw, may isang nag-point out na baka manifestation ito ng depression. Mga ilang linggo bago noon, may kasamahan na rin sa trabaho na nagsabing parang malungkot ako. Hindi ko rin maidedeny na patuloy akong bumibigat… Kaya’t I derpor konkluded na marahil ay depressed nga ako, hindi lang halata dahil ang mga phlegmatic, tipong nagpakamatay na pala tapos di mo namalayan…
Tulad ng lahat ng problema, ang solusyon ay ang paghahanap ng ugat. Ano nga ba ang pinanggagalingan ng lahat ng ito? Sabi ng aking ina, ang gamot daw sa depression (ano nga ba ang tagalog ng depression) ay thankfulness. Tanong naman ng isa pang ka-trabaho, “thankful ka ba na nangyari yung bagay na ikinalulungkot mo?” Syempre hindi. At doon ko na-realize na ang root ng aking pagkalungkot ay ang hindi pagtanggap sa ilang mga hinayaan ng Panginoon, sa kanyang sovereignty, na mangyari. Madali namang matanggap ang mabasted nang dalawang beses by the same person, pero mukhang mas mahirap tanggapin ang pag-etsepwera at pagguho ng tulay ng pagkakaibigan.
Ang damdamin ng tao, bagama’t nacocontrol, ay madals parang function pa rin ng maraming variable. Minsan, may variable na mas malaki ang effect sa response kaysa sa iba, at ang tanong ay papaano mababago ang equation para mabawasan ang epekto ng mga variable na hindi mo naman macontrol… (ipagpatawag ang kanerdohang dulot ng paggawa ng papel para sa graduate studies).
Porous Compartments
Men are supposed to be compartmentalized in their thinking; being able to separate thoughts and emotions, thus minimizing the effects of one aspect of their life on the other (i.e. work and relationships). It seems that one compartment has burst and has seeped into all the other aspects of life, resulting in lesser efficiency at work, and half-hearted ministering.
In this desperate moment where I just want to get my act together, I praise God for using His word and His people to remind me of some fundamental truths:
(1) It’s not about us. If there’s one thing that I should be worried about, it’s whether or not I am able to carry out God’s commanded will; dreams, aspirations, and preferences will undoubtedly have to take the backstage or the dumpster (Acts 20:24)
(2) God will make a way. Picking up Hudson Taylor’s biography earlier must have been the best thing I’ve done today. As long as we are aware about what God wants, we can be undaunted. A prolonged state of depression that contributes to incapacitation is definitely not what He wants.
I’m uncertain as to whether the bridge will be rebuilt, or even what’s left will crumble into the water underneath. I’m quite certain that the next few days will still involve struggles with getting out of bed once the alarm sounds; yet I am most certain that God’s peace will come in due time.

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2 Responses to Kumusta? (S.O.B.A.: State of the blogger address.)

  1. excelle says:

    amen, In His perfect time, i believe anything thas has been damaged will be rebuilt soon. i personally experienced such situation. i was so much hurt for unexpected things happened between me and my best friend. was hurt too much that i even left my children overnight just to get away from the pain even just for awhile. through the pain, i learned that friends come and go but our true Friend, Comforter will always be there no matter what. seek, seek, seek and you shall see more of HIs sovereignty.

  2. Pingback: Wanted: Joy and Control. Please apply inside. | eternalmatters

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